If 2018 is the year you’ve decided to become calmer during tough times with your children, then read on! Below you’ll find the ways that I use to negotiate my feelings and the feelings of my little ones, all at the same time.
1. When your anger begins to percolate, just STOP. Notice your feelings, not what’s going on, so that you start to recognize the first signs of your angst.
2. To begin gathering composure, you need to BREATHE. Deeply. Deep breathing is a concentrated effort which can delay your anger-motivated words, and slow down the decision making process to make better choices with your words and actions.
3. Put your thoughts on PAUSE. Do a personal check in with yourself to realize that what is happening is not an emergency, and remind yourself of that fact. This gives you and your child the freedom to address the issue later, when cooler heads prevail, and actual learning can take place. This is not being a pushover, but rather, strategic in refashioning better behavior at a more optimal time.
4. Grant yourself a parental TIME OUT. If it is possible, go into a different room than your child. If it is not possible, then simply turn around for a moment to breathe, repeat a sentence to yourself, or sing a lyric from a song.
5. Regain your BALANCE. You’re in charge of the situation, and your new focus will reset the mood. Decide what is appropriate – an apology, a do-over, or just an acknowledgement of what transpired.
6. While it probably won’t feel good in that moment, SHOW LOVE. When your child feels heard, that is half the battle.
This will take practice, but give yourself time and the recognition that you are making your best effort to be the best you can be for your children.
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